Learning To Let Go

When you are a young parent, meaning a parent with young children, there is no shortage of books with tips on parenting. How to Breastfeed, How to Get Your Child to Sleep, What to Feed Your Picky Eater, etc. Friends, colleagues, and parents are chock full of advice on what to do when your child won’t nap, what doctor is best, or which homeroom teacher is the nicest. Why is it, though, no one gives advice to parents as their children grow up and get older?

I can tell you this: when you drop off your child at college for the first time and, as it was for us, leave him alone in his dorm room, that is a really tough day. You have raised him under your roof, and now he’s on his own. You leave him like a deer in the headlights, and you’re supposed to suck it up and walk away. 

Today my oldest left for Chicago, seeking his fame and fortune in the Windy City. As you know from a previous post, he graduated a few months ago and spent a good part of the summer living at home. It was like old times—weekends together, watching a movie or baseball game on television or just enjoying a beer by the barbeque. It felt awkward at times leading up to today, knowing that this chapter was about to end.

As I walked out of our apartment this morning, I put on a happy face, gave my son a big hug, and told him to text me when he landed. As I closed the front door and started to walk down the stairs, tears were rolling down my face. I was uncontrollably sobbing.

No one told me there would be days like this. Be warned, they happen, and it’s hard. What is getting me through it is the excitement I feel for him as he starts a new chapter of his life. Your twenties are an amazing time—difficult but also exciting. You’re figuring out who you are, what you stand for, what you want to do, and how and where you want to plant your flag.

Letting go is the most difficult thing for a parent—letting children go and figure stuff out on their own, experience both the pain and joy of life without you. I am a control freak; I like to help map out plans, create ideas and businesses, but in this instance I can’t. I have to let go and hope that whatever advice or influence I’ve given (good or bad) will resonate and help shape a strong and confident child, ready to take on the world on his own two (immeasurably capable) feet.